Perfection

Image by janusz l via Flickr

I have the habit of censoring myself. I don't express what I feel. I morph my emotions and store them in a politically correct, tidy, BIG box that allows me to distance myself from them and the experiences they stemmed from. Admitting this is very hard for me. Correction, admitting anything less then perfection is hard for me.

I've realized my perception of perfection dictates my entire life. I'm always weighing my actions, my thoughts, my writings, my music etc. The voice in my head is a tyrant, constantly judging my every move. And you know what? I make darn good moves! My life is beautiful! I'm very happy with who I am, who I am becoming and where I am headed. So why do I still beat myself up?

Here is a truth - just as each of us are divine, every one of us is human. Therein lies the beauty of duality. In my desire to grow and transcend I have forgotten how important it is to be of this world. This bizarre idea of perfection my mind has created is a tool for separation - If I focus on and judge my every perceived flaw, is it not right to say I will be more quick to assess and judge the flaws of others?

I expect a lot from myself. Normally I would judge myself for even admitting such a thing, but instead I'm going to make the conscious choice to laugh at the part of my personality that is a huge control freak. I'm going to forgive myself for being human and having expectations.

Once again, the answer is forgiveness.